Twenty-four months 31 days and 12 hours
by HeyasSecretLove
Summary: It's been twenty-four months 31 days and 10 hours since I last saw you. It's been exactly one year since I got the letter from the United States Army informing me that you have been declared MIA. Its New Years Eve and I'm sitting on the porch whispering to any God that will hear me out because I need you back. (Give it a shot, story is better than the summary! :))
1. Chapter 1: Welcome Home

_**Authors note:**_

_**I don't even know where to go with this. It was just something I needed to get out of my head. Not sure if you want to keep reading but please leave a review letting me know? The italics are flashbacks.**_

_**Thank you! I love you : ) **_

_**Love,**_

_**JMO**_

It's been twenty-four months 31 days and 10 hours since I haven't seen your sparking blue eyes. 24,837 hours since I've felt your body pressed up behind me whispering sweet nothings into my ear. It's been exactly twelve months (one year) since I've received a letter from you or even a phone call. I remember the day the red cop car showed up at our house telling me the news that every army wife fears.

* * *

_I'm sitting in front of Rachel and Quinn at the dinner table and we're talking about how obsessed Rachel is with Barbra Streisand and it's the first time I smiled in months because Quinn is getting jealous of Barbra Streisand saying that Rachel should have married Barbara instead of her. Quinn looks over at me, "Oh don't you laugh! Have you seen Britt obsess over someone else? No? Well you can't laugh!" I laughed harder because it felt good to laugh again._

"_No my wife wouldn't be obsessed with anyone but me, I mean come on. Have you seen me!?" Quinn's eyes widen and she turns to Rachel, "You don't think I'm sexy enough. That's what it is right?!" I almost fall out of my chair laughing. Quinn continues, "Rachel Fabray do you picture her while we're having sex?!" At that I do fall out of my chair and laugh so hard my stomach starts to hurt. Rachel's face is bright red, "Of course not Quinn! See what you started Santana!" I get up and go over to their side and hug them as they both hug back Rachel is the first to speak, "What's this for?"_

_I pull away and simply shrug. "Thank you for making me smile." They both give me a sad smile. Quinn stops smiling and quickly gets up and goes to the door and Rachel quickly distracts me by hugging me again and pulls away when Quinn walks back in the room speaking really softly and low, "Santana?" Something's wrong. I can feel it. I quickly turn my head to look at her and she speaks, "Someone's at the door." I rush over to the door to see two army men standing on my porch with a letter in their hands. I started to read, _

"_**The Secretary of War regrets to inform you that Private Brittany S. Lopez Pierce has been declared missing in action on September 12th." **_

_I couldn't read anymore because the tears were falling so fast and my breath was caught in my throat, I felt like I was choking. I felt like I couldn't even stand, I let out this gut wrenching cry and before I could hit the ground the two soldiers caught me and pulled me into a tight embrace. I heard Rachel and Quinn cry softly, they must have read the letter. "What…What happened?" I managed to choke out between sobs. Quinn and Rachel helped me to the couch and the men followed taking a seat in front of me. Rachel and Quinn must have invited them in but I couldn't focus properly. _

"_We were in the chopper and all of a sudden bombs started going off all around us. The enemy attacked out of nowhere and the chopper PVT Pierce was in went down. We have located four other soldiers but PVT Pierce along with PVT Hudson and PVT Puckerman have been declared missing in action. We are not sure whether or not they are being held hostage by the enemy or lost. As commander and chief I promise you ma'am as soon as we get a lead we will inform you. We're sorry." I got up and ran and stumbled all the way to the bathroom and threw up. This isn't happening. Not to me. Please God let this be some sick fucking joke. I felt Rachel hold my hair as Quinn rubbed my back._

* * *

It's new years eve today Britt. Last year I didn't go out because I felt so wrong without you so I curled up on the couch in your sweats and t-shirt and drank until I forgot where I was. This year I'm throwing a get together at our house. They found Finn and the day he came home I couldn't help but run up to him and hit him and scream, "_Why is it you!? Where the fuck is my wife!?" _No one blamed me or told me I was wrong because I probably would have cut them into tiny pieces. Everyone knows I'm hurting but they don't ever bring you up unless I do because if not I break and crumble into tiny pieces and cry like a little baby and no one ever knows what to do.

Tonight I can't breathe. There's too many people here and everyone keeps staring at me with sad sympathetic eyes and I can't take any of it. I keep going to the bathroom to cry, fix my make-up then come back out like nothing happened. Everything smells like you all the time. At the grocery store our wedding song came on and I had to stop shopping and leave because I was such a wreck. There's a super massive black hole in my chest that gets bigger and bigger every day that you're not here by my side. Finn tried to tell me something about the day the chopper went down but I wont listen to him. I don't want to hear it and I definitely don't need a more vivid mental image of my wife in a plane crash. Your family is here tonight. When I was standing in the corner with Quinn talking my ear off I saw your sister walk in the room and my heart dropped and I gasped. She's always looked so much like you from far away.

When she hugged me I cried so hard that your dad had to pick me up and bring me upstairs to our room and hold me for an hour straight. This is so hard for me and I feel like I'm dying a slow, painful, agonizing death. Would you believe me if I said I actually want to die? Every time that feeling hits me like a pile of bricks I call your mom and she reminds me that I have to stay strong. When I tell my mom she tells me I can't because I should be waiting for you when you come home. She tells me all the time that you'll be back.

Is it wrong that I'm loosing hope? I don't understand how I am going to start a new year without you again. How the fuck is this world still moving on when I am stuck and so heartbroken still feeling the warmth of your lips on mine or still hearing the echo of your voice through the house screaming to me from upstairs that you forgot to buy toilet paper and you need me to throw you up some. That always made me laugh like a little kid and I still don't know why it was so funny to me but it was. How is the world moving so fast when I can still see you dancing in the living room next to the fireplace in only your underwear and a t-shirt listening to John Mayer.

I'm sitting on the couch watching everyone dance and have fun. I see Finn sit next to me and speak, "I'm so sorry I came back and not her… I know you hate me…" I shook my head softly, "I don't hate you Finn. Please can we talk about this tomorrow or something? I don't want to feel the pain again.." I lied. I already feel it. He nods and respects my wishes and as he gets up Rachel takes his spot. You'd be so shocked at how close we've gotten even though you know deep down I've always admired her. "The ball is going to drop soon. Are you doing the countdown with us?" I just shrug. I don't even feel like being here, I just want to be in your arms smelling you, taking in your intoxicating vanilla smell. I tried my hardest to look hot tonight because every other day I look like a homeless grandpa.

Rachel speaks again, "She'd want you to be happy Santana." I look at her with a disgusted look, "Don't. Don't fucking talk about her like she's dead Rachel!" Rachel's face softens, "I'm sorry San." I just look at the floor swallowing back my tears. I haven't cried in several hours and I am seriously proud of myself. The clock is ticking closer and everyone is gathered around the TV. I feel suffocated, there are too many people around me and suddenly everything is too loud. "30.…28..." I can't do this. I tried and I can't.

I quickly pushed through the crowd and ran outside. The cold air hit me like a train and I couldn't hold it back anymore and my tears broke free falling down my cheeks like acid rain and it burned. I was sobbing and I couldn't stop. I put my head in my hands and whispered, "Where the fuck are you Britt?" My eyes are closed and I can hear a car pull up and people get out and doors shutting. That didn't make me look up because it's probably someone being fashionably late. I cried harder hearing them shouting the countdown. I can hear heavy boots get closer and I think I'm going fucking crazy because the way this person is walking is sounding much like the way you walk.

I'm shaking and it's hard to catch my breath as I whisper into the cold night, "Brittany please come home soon." I'm praying and begging because I can't do this without you any longer. I might me hallucinating because I am pretty sure I can hear you speak, "I'm right here." I don't look up I just cry harder until I hear a smooth angelic voice speak louder, "Open your eyes." My head quickly snaps up and I think I'm on drugs because I think I'm staring straight at you in your uniform. This can't be true. I stand up and move back a little trying to get a better look. You're crying and you look so nervous.

The only thing I can get out is a scream as I jump on you. I can hear the door opening and people rushing outside to see what the scream was about and everyone gets silent. A few gasps were heard here and there. Your hair is longer but you still look so perfect. I don't want to let go because my knees feel weak and I'm afraid that if I let go of you then you'll disappear or this will be a sick dream. You're crying so hard and without hesitation I'm kissing you in front of everyone like there is no tomorrow. Your lips against mine feel so perfect and natural like breathing. You pull away as you look at everyone. They're all in tears but you wipe yours. Melissa is wrapped up in Puck and he smiles at me and I smile back. The first thing you says is, "5!" everyone looks at their watches and smiles as we all start to count down, "4.….." You pick me up holding me so tight that I think I could melt into you. "3.….." You whisper in my ear, "I love you so much Santana." You keep whispering sweet nothings in my ear. "2.….." I move my face to look at you. "1!" I lean into you and kiss you. Your lips still state so sweet like cinnamon. I don't realize that I'm crying until you pull away and wipe my tears. "I promised that I will always come back to you. Did you think I'd break it?" I smiled so big I think my skin is going to rip in half, "Never."

For the first time in twenty-four months 31 days and 12 hours I am smiling a real smile again and I'm staring into your sparkly blue eyes and taking in the intoxicating smell of vanilla. I look at you and the super massive black hole has quickly closed and breathing is easier for me. For once all is right in my world again.


	2. Chapter 2: Not so happy birthday

_**Authors Note:**_

_**Thanks for reading! Please review : ) Hope you liked it.**_

_**Love,**_

_**JMO**_

It's been a full two weeks since you've been home. You're physically here but not mentally and it's killing me. I can't figure out what's worse? You being gone or you being here and gone at the same time. You don't sleep, you don't eat, and you don't even carry a conversation long enough for me to ask you if there is anything I can do to help you. Sometimes when I walk into the living room I can see you sitting in front of the fire place staring into space and when I make a noise you flinch like I hit you or something. Right now you're sitting on the bed and it's been an hour and a half since you've been sitting in the same position not speaking or moving, just staring. I slowly walk up to you and whisper, "Britt Britt?" you surprise me when you speak because I wasn't expecting you to answer me.

You slowly turn your head to look at me, "I can't get up." I walk over to you and bend down and wrap my arms around your waist and look up at you, "What do you mean baby? Are you tired? Does anything hurt?" You look down into my eyes and for the first time I can see the pain covering your deep blue eyes, your whisper is so soft and broken, "I can't move. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't breathe. It was so cold out there… Puck tried so hard to keep me warm but after a while cuddling wasn't enough anymore. I was so excited when I saw people walking our way but they weren't good people. Sometimes when I try to close my eyes I can feel the hits or I can hear the screams… Puck took most of the beatings for me most of the time but sometimes he'd be too hurt."

I want to throw up. Hearing about someone touching you in the wrong way makes me burn inside. I let you keep speaking, "They knew who you were… If I fought back they would have hurt you." You choked out a sob and I quickly sat on the bed with you and wrapped you in my arms tightly and whispered in your ear, "You're safe now. I'm right here. I wont let anything happen to you okay?" You cried harder than I have ever heard you cry before, "I don't know how to get back up." I knew you didn't mean physically but mentally. "It's okay, its okay. We'll do whatever it takes." You wrapped your arms around my waist, holding on as if your life depended on it.

"I cant let you get hurt Santana, what if they hurt you?" I kissed your hair over and over again, "Then I'll go all Lima Heights on their asses. I'm safe, I'm not going anywhere." You nodded and after 20 minuets of me holding you and letting you cry you whispered softly, "Can you help me take a bath? I try but I get so scared and I end up-" I cut you off and kissed your head, "Anything you need baby. I'm here every step of the way. Do you want bubbles in the bath?"

You nodded and for a brief moment I could have sworn I saw a smirk, "Please." I got up and ran the bath for you and held your hand all the way to the bathroom, "Do you need help undressing?" You started to cry again so I cupped your face in my hands, "Hey hey don't cry its okay. Baby look at me, Its okay if you need help." You nodded so I slowly started lifting your sweatshirt over your head and helped you take off the rest. When you turned around to get in the tub I saw all the scars across your back and I whispered, "Britt.." You froze and in an instant I regret bringing that to light. I was just so upset seeing that someone hurt you. It makes me so sick to my stomach. You took a deep breath and sat in the tub. As I'm washing your hair I lean into your ear and whisper, "We're going to get through this okay? I love you." For the first time you don't say it back.

Three weeks later it's my birthday. You're not so scared anymore but how would I know? All you do is go out to hang out with Puck then come home late at night. I can't blame you for that though because you two have been through so much together. I want to know everything Britt. I want to make things okay for you again but all you ever do is push me away. I don't know how to deal with this but I'm more than willing to hold your hand every step of the way until you're better but every time I try you give me an attitude. Quinn and Rachel are throwing me a birthday party later tonight and for once in a while I'm excited for something. You're getting dressed so I walk in the room and you turn around and sigh, "Don't you ever knock?" I'm taken back by this and I cant help but feel like you're blaming me for something. I shake my head, "Why would I? This is my room too Brittany. You're my wife. I don't need to knock." You don't say anything so I try again, "So where are you going today?" You shrug, "Pucks."

I sit on the bed and look at you, "Will you be here later tonight for my party?" For a minute you look slightly confused, "It's my birthday today Brittany.." You stop what your doing and I can see the guilt wash over your face. You look at me for the first time today, "I knew that.. I'll be there." Just as your about to walk out the door you turn around and kiss my head really quickly, "Happy Birthday." and in that moment I knew you forgot which I don't blame you for. You have a lot on your mind these days. Hours later and I bought a dress that I'm 100% sure you'll love on me. Most people are already here but I don't care about any of them. I just want you here. Quinn walks up to me, "How do you like your party so far?" I put on the best fake smile I can, "I love it Q. Thanks." I know she knows something's wrong, "Where's Britt?" I just shrug and take a shot from the table, "Puck." She knows not to keep prying on the subject. Both of our families are here tonight. Your sister comes up to me, "Happy birthday San!" I lean into her hug, "Thanks!" My mom is the first one to ask, "How are you doing Santana?" I'm trying to focus on our conversation but all I can think about is how you said you'd be here.

Hours past by and soon everyone is standing around me singing "Happy birthday to you." And after I blow out the candles and look at everyone laughing, dancing, and having a good time I just want to be alone. I walk fast to the bathroom and take a deep breath. All our close friends seem to know because Quinn, Rachel, Sam and Mercedes are right behind me. That same sinking feeling I felt when you weren't here for Christmas or part of New Years kicks in as I put my hands on the sink and look down whispering hopelessly, "She said she'd be here…" For the first time since you got home I start to cry and I can't stop. Sam picks me up bridal style as I cry into his neck. He brings me across the hall to our bedroom. They don't say anything. What am I supposed to do when tears are pouring down my face in front of everyone we know? What am I supposed to do when the most important person in my life didn't even show up to my birthday party?

After the party was over and things were cleaned up and everyone left I'm still in my dress while I put the cake on the counter. You walked through the door and I didn't even bother looking at you. You place your keys on the table as you walk over to me, "San I'm so sorry…" I just nod and keep cleaning around the kitchen, "Me too." I walk over to our bedroom look in the mirror and start to put my hair up. I can see you staring at me through the mirror, "You don't have to be so mad.." I stop what I'm doing and turn to face you, "I don't have to be mad? Is that what you just said? Jesus Christ Brittany you're my wife and you didn't even come home for my damn birthday party." You just stare at me, "I said I was sorry."

I shake my head no, "I bought this dress today… Not for me… For you. To impress you tonight and you didn't even-" I stopped what I was saying, "You know what Britt just forget it." I start to walk away but I stop when I hear the anger in your voice, "You don't know anything. I'm sorry I forgot your fucking birthday but forgive me if that's the last thing on my mind right now." I know you don't mean it but it still hurts so bad hearing you say that. I turn around again facing you,

"I don't know anything because you don't talk to me!" It startled me to hear myself raise my voice like that. I started to cry, "I sat here all night having people ask me about you and all I could say was you said you'd be here! You're hurting I get that but let me in! You're married to me not Puck so act like it! Tell me what your thinking!" You rose your voice higher than mine, "You'll never understand!" I yelled back, "Make me understand!" I cried harder, "Stop running from this! There's nowhere else to go! This is my life now too!" You didn't say anything this time but I could see something broke inside of you. The wall you were building to keep me out crumbled. You pulled me into a tight hug and whispered over and over, "I'm so sorry…" I held you tight,

"I need you to open up to me. I want to help you get better but I cant do that if you keep shutting me out." You nodded in agreement and pulled away and wiped my tears and leaned in. I haven't actually kissed you on the lips since you got back and I didn't think I'd be so nervous like I am now. As soon as our lips met I wanted to explode. It felt like a million little stars aligning. You gently pushed me on the bed and we made out for a while like we were two teenagers. I know we weren't going any further than this and I'm okay with that. Whenever you're ready, then I'm ready. You pulled away breathing heavy, "Your birthday isn't over yet… Do you want to take a shower with me?" I agreed. We didn't have steamy shower sex. We just held each other close and washed each others hair and in that moment I have never felt so close to you than now. I'm determined to make you better. We can do this _**together.**_


End file.
